Sunday, August 25, 2013

The Eve

As I sit here on this beautiful Sunday (judged only by how relaxed I feel and the delicious breakfast I just prepared as I haven't been outside yet) I'm realizing that it is also the eve of my potential unemployment. If you were to ask me a year ago how I felt about unemployment I would have told you I hated it and all I want is to be working again. This time is a little different. I am grateful for every day I work but if I don't have a job arranged by September 13th- the last day of my current freelance job- I won't be too upset about it this time. Last year I spent 5 months unemployed, something I'm sure will jump out to potential employers reading this as they Google me, but alas this is my blog and it is the truth. Last Summer I was also in the middle of my very first relationship and the more upset I felt about my jobless situation, the more that person withdrew from me, making me feel even more crazy and insecure about my situation than was really necessary. This time will actually be very different. I've had the last almost nine months to reflect on my life and myself while having the fabulous distraction of a good job during this early onset of my quarter life crisis. What I have come up with is that if I am unemployed for an extended amount of time I will not waste it. I won't have any baggage to deal with but my own and really I don't have very much as single young lady. In April I was briefly unemployed for one month and while I was slightly terrorized by my own memories of those 5 Summer months in 2012- I managed to occupy myself quite well by going to yoga a few times a week, watching A LOT of television, and researching and coming up with some ideas for what will be my own personal brand. If I'm unemployed again I have a plan.

I've been commissioned by a friend to make a skirt for a wedding shower in September and lucky for me the fabric I'm working with and the silhouette of the skirt is right up my alley and I can't wait to get started. It's what I'm kicking off this new era with and I couldn't be happier than to jump in feet first. Just the idea of patterning and sewing and designing has made me more excited than I've been in while about fashion. I know it sounds silly as fashion design is my career choice anyway but I get to have a say in very aspect of how this skirt gets done and it really will be my creation from start to finish. Perhaps then I will be thought of as the designer I truly am and not "just the freelancer" people think I am.

I'm hoping to blog a little more but I can't promise that I'll stick to any kind of editorial calendar. But maybe? I do love a good routine! I'm always seeing things I want to make and places I want to go and these are normally just things I jot down in the notes section on my phone or bookmark in Yelp but maybe documenting them on this blog will be a better use of my time. I tend to feel sort of "bougie" about the blogging world and all these bloggers whose day job is solely to blog and whatever else accompanies that. I'm pretty sure it's because I'm jealous since it seems like they just take pretty photos of what they wear and have been doing it so well and long enough that they just a get a bunch of free stuff from what I consider to be the most current and exciting brands. And the thing that gets me is that now this side of the blogging industry is completely flooded. One's chances of being able to achieve a similar level of blogging success this late in the game is slim to none. I/ we have to find a new approach to blogging that is unique to all that is out there. And that's particularly difficult when people are so creative and the bar is being set increasingly high in terms of content and aesthetics.

So here we are! Being unemployed, whether it be in the next few weeks or a year from now, will not be traumatizing as it was before. I only have myself to worry about and therefore I will only have myself to blame if I get sidetracked. I am going to make things I want to make, blog about things I want to blog about, and- on a semi-unrelated note- go to hot yoga everyday for my own health and sanity. And I'll continue to watch more television because let's be real, some of today's TV shows are seriously so amazing. I love that in almost every industry we are settling for nothing less than perfection. And that perfection is something I hope to settle for nothing less than myself.

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Thanks for your thoughts!
xo Chelsea